Fear

Friday, January 21, 2011

As another cry rips through the night I shake myself from my dream of sleeping. Sitting up on my elbow I come face to face with my youngest. A tear stained face, quivering lips and the look of desperation in my baby's eyes chases all thoughts of sleep away. I scoop up my child and whisper reassurance that Mommy is here. A small fear grips my heart. Is it because this is likely our last baby that I feel time is preciously short?

I have witnessed one of my other children seizing, several times in a row and yet this little one... I do not begrudge the late night crying and severe lack of sleep because something feels different. I will be happy when the next round of doctors appointments and tests come back as conclusive. I'd like to close this chapter in our life as a mother's unfounded fear.

For now, I am going to treasure every moment as much as I can. Even the unwelcome middle of the night wake up calls, which I believe is from a perfectly normal cause of teething.

Of course, finding this is doing NOTHING for me:
MSNBC story of a 3 year old surviving breast cancer

What do we do now?! Is my fear really unfounded?



1 comments:

Mellisa Rock said...

I certainly think it's natural. I had a lot of fear based thoughts with all of my children. I think we are exposed to way to much information and news stories for fear not to take grip of us at times. Prayers that your fears are unfounded.

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