We Found a Lump…

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My heart is racing and my hands feel sweaty. We found a lump on baby and I’m not sure what to think. It could just be a lymph node/gland. It could be a cyst. It could be something horrible too. I’m already getting myself worked up and I don’t even know what it is yet.

I can’t think clearly enough to type this all out and I’m hoping I can end this with an “everything is fine!” I am completely and totally scared right now. It feels like the horrible sinking moment you can get when you cannot see your child in a crowded grocery store. All of my senses are in high gear.

Life is such a precious thing and I am worried that my desire to even paint the house is in the wrong direction now. I just want to be around my children all the time. I’m worried I won’t have as much time with them as I’d like to have. I know that I really can’t smother them like that though. They do require their moments away from me.

Why is it that medical difficulties always tend to happen after office hours? I’ve dealt with seizures. We have had ambulances at our home before. Why do these types of things have to happen when there seems to be no help and I languish in all the horrible possibilities until I can find answers. We will be contacting the doctor’s office in the morning and hopefully get some answers. Maybe the lump will be gone by than and it will all just have been an almost nightmare.

I am going to try and get some rest, pray and cuddle with a certain little baby.

G’night…

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