I Can Not Write Here

Friday, November 02, 2012

It's messy. I am in a corner and need a place to put my feelings. I don't feel like it's safe here though because people are reading it all. I need to cry. I want to close the door and hide under the bed. I want to talk to someone and reach out but when I do... it doesn't end well. Military wives are supposed to be tough. Homeschool mom's are supposed to be patient. All mom's are required to be super.

I am none of these.

When I bare my soul to someone I get a bunch of what I am doing wrong. I get a bunch of people trying to fix me. I receive a lot of advice. Can't we just share? Maybe have someone else say, "yah, I've been there. It is no fun." And just leave it at that?

I am sure I am learning a lesson here. Building on something. I wish learning wasn't so painful.

I do not handle change well and feel my little world flipping upside down. I am weak because of that. We have received good news recently and I am still slipping down a steep hill! I don't understand that.

Maybe I can write here. Writing is soothing. Looking over something in black and white without a bunch of hot air coming at me about what to do is a bit relaxing.


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