I decided to head to the doctor’s office to use their tests up instead of spending $10 or more for a test. Our budget couldn’t sustain my obsession with those tests for long so I had to be “economical.”
The nurse said, “Congratulations! You are pregnant!”
I remember being gripped with fear, driving down the road and praying, “please let us keep this baby!” As a peace washed over me I felt and heard, “everything will be okay.” I could hardly contain myself! I told Hubbie all about it too. We relaxed and were almost ready to share with everyone our new joy. I actually looked forward to feeling sick because it reminded me that I was pregnant!
I never did get a home pregnancy test positive. We lost that baby too. It was the night I was to hold a home sales party. I felt bad for the consultant who showed up at my door to get started and with a forced smile I invited her in. She asked how I was doing and some other questions. I must have answered something acceptable and we all continued on. I had 2 people at that pathetic little party. I apologized to the consultant and thanked her too. See, I was losing that little baby right then and there. Right in front of everyone, but I clung to the normalcy of having people over. I didn’t want it to happen again.
It was painful. It lasted longer then I wanted. I called in sick to work. It hurt! And oh how I loved that baby!! My fists went up toward God as I cried out, “you said everything will be okay!”
All I heard was, “and it will.”
My body betrayed me again and we lost our third baby too. It was over a year after we had decided to try and become parents. I gave up on the idea. I’m not sure where Hubbie was on the issue because I shut him out too. We continued on
Click here for Part 1 of this Series
Click here for Part 3 of this Series
PS-This series of posts are my feelings about what happened to me. This all happened to me quite a few years ago too. Please keep that in mind during comments. I am also not in the medical field so I cannot gauge how “ill” someone else may get under these circumstances. If you are unsure about a friend or yourself in this situation, contact someone you trust in the medical field who can help.