I was so excited to hear, “You’re pregnant!” We were trying to get pregnant and I finally FELT pregnant. We were giddy! We were going to be parents! I was sick to my stomach and little booties, onesies and hats were moving across the conveyor belt with apples, cereal and milk.
I remember a lot from our first pregnancy. The biggest thing I remember was the fact that I could NOT get a home pregnancy test to work. I was almost 2 1/2 months pregnant and no home pregnancy test would grant me my one desire. I wanted a positive test. I thought that all the tests were broken! I tried to brush that little fact aside because the doctors
I remember my craziest of all pregnancy cravings ever happening too. I tried to keep it from Hubbie but that was impossible because it’s all I wanted to eat. Brace yourself! I wanted my breakfast to consist of pop tarts, milk and green olives! One morning Hubbie caught me in the act of retrieving my olives. “What are you doing?” I had my head shoved in the fridge with a fork chasing an elusive olive around in it’s jar. He startled me walking in so my actions got more desperate. Tink, tink, tink was the sound of the fork on the glass jar, “Nothing!”
We broke the news to our parents first. It was supposed to have been an awesome day. We had setup a rocking chair with all the baby stuff scattered over it in our spare room. My dear Hubbie had just moved the closet from one wall to the other and we were going to show it off. We left a camera running in the room to record their reaction. My Mom-n-law noticed everything first and only said, “Baby stuff… Baby stuff… Baby stuff?!”
Oh how I loved that baby! The baby that we lost on that same day. I never got to know that baby and I loved it! I miscarried. It was painful. I called in to work sick. I bled in a way I didn’t imagine possible. It hurt! I plunged into a huge depression but my first question to the doctor was, “when can we try again?”
I remember the awful things that people would say once they learned about our miscarriage. Things like:
”You are young, try again!”
”Don’t worry. You aren’t missing out on much.” (Seriously?!)
”It happens a lot.” (So that means it should be easier?!)
“At least you did not carry it that long.” (Okay.. yah, that makes it ALL better.)
Plus other stupid comments. I hated even bringing it up to anyone but I so wanted to talk about it too.
A week or so later, I vividly remember receiving a phone call during my lunch (I had come home to let the dog out) from a children’s book club. They were congratulating me on our recent pregnancy and wanted to know if we’d like to join the club. I so wanted to join “the club” that didn’t include books but burp rags and diapers. I think it all finally became a reality for me. I was not pregnant. I lost it with this poor woman on the phone. Between the sobs I muttered that I had miscarried the baby. She apologized profusely and hung up. I collapsed on the floor. I was late getting back to work from lunch that day.
Four months later we tried again……..
Click here for Part 2 of this Series
PS-This series of posts are my feelings about what happened to me. This all happened to me quite a few years ago too. Please keep that in mind during comments. I am also not in the medical field so I cannot gauge how “ill” someone else may get under these circumstances. If you are unsure about a friend or yourself in this situation, contact someone you trust in the medical field who can help.