Wednesday, October 24, 2007

I am still breathing. I guess that is a plus, right? I sometimes wonder why I am still breathing. Right now I feel... overwhelmed and nothing all at the same time. It's very hard. I recently told someone that sometimes I wish I could do more but mostly I just want to do less. I am so tired and want to play. I'd love to just take a moment and just play a game. I am blogging right now which is a total change of events, but I still don't feel like this is something fun to do right now. I want fun. I miss fun. I miss dancing. I miss playing a video game. I miss cruising the internet just to cruise the internet with no point involved at all. I miss cooking for fun. I miss sleeping in. I miss sleep. Hehe... That's a given though I think. I miss my kids. Yes, they are here with me right now but I do not feel like I see them. I want to embrace my life and live it well. I wish that I could just find the energy, gumption, whatever it is that I need to do that right now. I do not like to be sad and I know it will affect the children too... it already has. I try to be strong for them. When do I get to not be strong then? When can I just be weak and collapse? I don't feel like that is an option. I don't feel like I have any options really and you can ask my husband... I was always one to see all the options.

So I will just keep on breathing because I know that is what is expected of me. Because it's what is right. Because as an adult and mother that is what I should do.

Just breath.


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