God Shy

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I don’t do it and shouldn’t. I really, really shouldn’t! But whenever the conversation turns to God or prayer I get shy! People who know me may wonder about this. They may think, really? And others may agree with me and want to smack me for it. Hehehe… I should be the one bringing up prayer in conversation! I should be the one willing to say God’s name in a conversation without flinching. It’s what you would expect from someone like me.

I have been a devoted believer in God and the power of prayer for as long as I can remember and yet… I get shy. I blush. I side step the comment. I even go so far as to change the topic!

I wonder what would happen in a conversation if I did openly discuss God, my beliefs, my values and my faith. Would it wilt? Would people run ducking for cover for me hoping to never talk with me again? Especially to talk with me about that? It has been known to happen.

There’s a dark spot in my past that hurts. I opened up and I was burned! I was told that I needed to change and that what was happening in my life was not for good but twisted and evil. I know what they said was not true but I let this comment shut me down. Stop me. I want to fix it and I want to be open again. I know it would be good for me. I just don’t know where to start sometimes. And I let the busyness of my life get in the way of my struggle.

I am trying… I want to… It’s a scary world out here.

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