I am Small

Monday, August 08, 2011

I see that. I sort of knew that before, but after a week at a wild summer camp with kids EVERYWHERE I see even more. I am small. I wanted so badly to do so much more for the Race for Congo event too, but I am small. I feel like I have done so little.

I don’t mind being small. Sometimes. There are other times it hurts to be small. It hurts because I have such big plans, dreams and hopes but being so small makes it so hard to reach those. I understand a bit more the frustration someone might have, say like at the grocery store reaching the top shelf. Hahaha! I know it seems silly… but that top shelf is up there. I am tall so it doesn’t phase me to reach the top shelf. There it is! Someone shorter won’t be able to reach that shelf though. That would be frustrating. It’s how I feel now. Everything I would like to do is so far out of my reach I want to give up.

There’s no one who can WILL help me reach it here. I am “just another mom”. I’m the crazy one stalking her kid around camp. Aren’t there other mom’s who do that? I dunno… I’m tired of reaching out to other mom’s at this camp. I’m tired of talking to them and being told that my kid would be “better off without me around”. (FYI: The STAFF is not telling me this. They are supportive. The other MOM’S on this camp are telling me this. Nice comrades I have here, eh?)

Oh and yes… I am another week at this camp. My position that I had last week was in need of more assistance again this week so I stayed. Crazy huh? (They are reimbursing me and we could really use that now.) I’ve made friends with the staff though so I don’t feel quite so crazy. Plus I have more family here this week with me so I don’t feel like I am the only one responsible for my kid either. So far… except for the other mom’s… it’s good here. A bit more relaxing. I’m looking forward to trying to find a way into the pool! It’s soooo blue, warm and it’s just been calling to me all last week. I will get in there this week. It’s top on my list.

Other than the pool though and stalking my kiddo in their activities. There’s nothing here for me. I look forward to leaving and REALLY leaving this weekend.

This post is weird…. I needed to dump all this somewhere.

I’m still just feeling a bit small.


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